someone who is good at the bureaucracy please help me budget this. my division is dying
THE MAGISTRATE GROWLS “TAKE OFF TH AT ARMOR, ANATHEMA.” I COMPLY, REVEALING FULL LENGTH MOONSILVER TATTOOS ON BOTH LEGS. THE MAGISTRATE SCREAMS; DEFEATED
if your grave doesnt say “rest in peace” on it you are automatically drafted into the deathlord war
A recent dnd oc, Ren- a war forged barbarian. He is a murdered man who woke up in the body of his own puppet! Now rage and self loathing is all he knows
by far the strangest part of the British government deciding to enact a sword hunt is that the policy they’ve put together is very clear about only banning “ninja swords” and “zombie-style knives.” you’re allowed to have a sword for fencing, or a machete for farm and garden work, or a zweihander for historical re-enactment purposes, but if you have a wakizashi your ass is fucking GRASS
like it is genuinely impossible for me to imagine a use case for this law that isn’t just “being racist in a way that feels so outmoded it’s almost quaint.” you know people can kill each other with regular knives, right?
second-strangest part is that their definition of “ninja sword” includes certain kitchen knives but excludes odachi
god help you if your tuna knife is 4 inches too short
machetes are OK but if you doodle a little skull on it it WILL be imbued with the unholy spirit of KNIFE CRIME and you WILL be thrown in HMP Cocksarseworth FOREVER
can anyone find me that mesopotamian clay tablet telling you to marry a party girl because she’ll bring you joy
It’s from the “Maxims of Ptahhotep”, purportedly written by a 96-year-old vizier to pass on his wisdom to his son:
If you marry a good-time girl
A joyful woman known to her town,
If she is wayward,
and revels in the moment,
do not reject her, but instead let her enjoy;
joyfulness is what marks calm water.
yay ty. Between the above and the links in the mentions we have 3 translations total
Happy Wife Happy Life is 4.5k years old
Other sites also have the “Does anyone have this image?” posts, but only on tumblr you’ll find “Does anyone have that mesopotamien clay tablet?” posts.
> “mesopotamian clay tablet”
> is an egyptian papyrus
The ancient wisdom of “if you wanna keep a baddie, let her be a baddie.”
The strongest guy in the Magnus Archives is that one guy who was so obsessed with his dog that he just walked right out of the Spiral because it was her dinnertime
This is one of my favorite episodes. Fears can’t hurt you if you’re chill enough. The guy who walked in a spiral for four hours and then just left because he remembered he had somewhere to be is, to me, the avatar of the entities’ fear
strongest people in the magnus archives:
guy who kept the coffin of the buried in his living room and used it as a coffee table
walked out of the spiral because his dog needed dinner
the plumber who was so inattentive that the stranger put on a whole spectacle for him and he straight-up missed it all
the guy whose primary concern with the evil taxidermists was whether or not they were money laundering (they weren’t)
AND he didn’t even realize evil taxidermy was at play for the longest time because he came in like “I love and respect autistic people, of course I’m not judging eye contact”
we CANNOT forget the woman that was actively being swallowed by the buried and when there was nothing she could possibly do she lied down on the ground and accepted her fate so thoroughly and with such calm that it had to barf her back up.
the role of the person in the passenger seat is not only navigator but secretary as well. you have to type up the drivers messages to random ladies on facebook about cbd cream & google whether that billy joel song was the theme song for that show or not
you also have to provide a henchmans disdainful scowl at whoever the driver is flipping off in the target parking lot
